On Father’s Day, the first since his own father died, David Cameron reflects on the sacrifices and significance of being a family man.
There’s a quote I like, apparently from Mark Twain, which goes: “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
OK, I’m sure at this time of year you can find more gushing words about fatherhood and parenting, but there’s a sentiment here that I think most of us can identify with.
Growing up can be painfully difficult, and more often than not – for boys at least – it’s our fathers who bear the brunt of our anger. But if you’re fortunate enough to have a dad who’s there for you, there comes a time when you turn to them and a light bulb suddenly flicks on inside your head. Standing before you is no longer the person who is stopping you from going out or watching television. It’s someone who has made sacrifices day-in, day-out, and made them for you; who has given you every opportunity they can because they want you to succeed and be happy; who has so much knowledge and wisdom to impart.
I have never been shy of saying that families are the cornerstone of our society, the rocks upon which our lives are built. And on this day, the first Father’s Day since my own father died, I want to acknowledge just how important dads are to laying those foundations.
I know, for some, this is controversial. We live in an age of equality, where people don’t like to see differences between the sexes. In this world, the words “mother” and “father” have become interchangeable and there’s the idea that both can offer a child the same thing. And in many ways, they can. Both can provide for and protect their sons and daughters. Both can offer discipline and guidance, and act as a mentor and role model. Both can cook meals and teach their kids to ride a bike. Both can instil values like responsibility and a respect for authority in their children.
But it goes without saying, two different people, nurturing the same child, will bring different things to the table. That was certainly true for me. A lot has been written about my upbringing. I am proud of my family and the best thing about it was what I got from each of my parents. From my mother, Mary, a magistrate, I got a huge amount of love and support – she is someone who always wants to see the best in people. But I also drew an enduring sense of community and obligation. It may be unfashionable to talk about public service, but she taught me life was about more than making money.
From my father, Ian, I learnt about responsibility. Seeing him get up before the crack of dawn to go and do a hard day’s work and not come back until late at night had a profound impact on me. We all know the feeling when the alarm goes off in the morning, and you just want to keep on hitting the snooze button. One of the reasons we get up is not just because of the responsibility a job carries, it’s also because we want to set the same example to our children as our fathers did to us. My dad, who was disabled, also taught me about optimism – that no matter how bad things are, you can overcome them if you have the right frame of mind. Indeed, if there’s one gift my father gave me that I cannot thank him enough for, it was his ability to always look on the bright side of life.
All this was irreplaceable. And believe me, I know how lucky I was – and how lucky so many other children in our country are. So many dads are getting more involved in raising their children, and as a government, we’re right behind them. For example, we are consulting on a system of flexible parental leave, to enable mothers and fathers to share childcare during that important first year. But I also know this: in Britain today, there are children growing up who will never see the benefit of this – who will never know the love of a father. And we know, too, the consequences of that. When fathers aren’t there for their kids, those children are more likely to live in poverty, fail at school, end up in prison and be unemployed later in life.
We can’t ignore this. Indeed, it would be a dereliction of duty if politicians did. We’re the ones who take taxpayers’ money and write billions of pounds worth of cheques to deal with educational failure, crime, and unemployment. So we have a responsibility – to the taxpayer and to society – to do what we can to bring fathers back into the lives of all our children.
Now, I know we can’t do this at a stroke of a legislator’s pen. There’s nothing we can do in Whitehall to force fathers to get involved. But what we can do is make it easier for fathers to do the right thing than the wrong thing. That’s what so much of our family-friendly package of reforms is about. We’ve started tackling the couple penalty in the benefit system for those on the lowest incomes, so parents don’t lose money if they stay together. We’re increasing the number of health visitors by 4,200, and re-orientating them from an exclusive maternal-child focus to one where they support the whole family – including fathers. We’re investing in relationship support to help prevent family breakdown; and when it is inevitable, to make sure that it is well-handled. And yes, I want us to recognise marriage in the tax system so as a country we show we value commitment.
At the same time, I also think we need to make Britain a genuinely hostile place for fathers who go AWOL. It’s high time runaway dads were stigmatised, and the full force of shame was heaped upon them. They should be looked at like drink drivers, people who are beyond the pale. They need the message rammed home to them, from every part of our culture, that what they’re doing is wrong – that leaving single mothers, who do a heroic job against all odds, to fend for themselves simply isn’t acceptable.
All this will help make a difference. But in the end, it will be the daily habits and decisions of Britain’s fathers that will determine if we succeed. On their decision to financially and emotionally support their child even if they’ve split up from their mother; to spend time with their kids at weekends, taking them to the football or the playground; to go to the nativity play and take an interest in their child’s education.
I say this knowing how difficult being a parent is. As the American writer Kent Nerburn brilliantly put it: “It is much easier to become a father than to be one.” And I don’t for one minute claim to be a perfect father to my kids. Just ask Sam. But this is too important an issue to remain silent on. This is about our children’s futures, and with that, our country’s future too. We owe it to them to be there for them, however hard we may find it.
So on this Father’s Day, let’s embrace and celebrate the responsibilities we have.
Source http://www.telegraph.co.uk/
From my father, Ian, I learnt about responsibility. Seeing him get up before the crack of dawn to go and do a hard day’s work and not come back until late at night had a profound impact on me. We all know the feeling when the alarm goes off in the morning, and you just want to keep on hitting the snooze button. One of the reasons we get up is not just because of the responsibility a job carries, it’s also because we want to set the same example to our children as our fathers did to us. My dad, who was disabled, also taught me about optimism – that no matter how bad things are, you can overcome them if you have the right frame of mind. Indeed, if there’s one gift my father gave me that I cannot thank him enough for, it was his ability to always look on the bright side of life.
All this was irreplaceable. And believe me, I know how lucky I was – and how lucky so many other children in our country are. So many dads are getting more involved in raising their children, and as a government, we’re right behind them. For example, we are consulting on a system of flexible parental leave, to enable mothers and fathers to share childcare during that important first year. But I also know this: in Britain today, there are children growing up who will never see the benefit of this – who will never know the love of a father. And we know, too, the consequences of that. When fathers aren’t there for their kids, those children are more likely to live in poverty, fail at school, end up in prison and be unemployed later in life.
We can’t ignore this. Indeed, it would be a dereliction of duty if politicians did. We’re the ones who take taxpayers’ money and write billions of pounds worth of cheques to deal with educational failure, crime, and unemployment. So we have a responsibility – to the taxpayer and to society – to do what we can to bring fathers back into the lives of all our children.
Now, I know we can’t do this at a stroke of a legislator’s pen. There’s nothing we can do in Whitehall to force fathers to get involved. But what we can do is make it easier for fathers to do the right thing than the wrong thing. That’s what so much of our family-friendly package of reforms is about. We’ve started tackling the couple penalty in the benefit system for those on the lowest incomes, so parents don’t lose money if they stay together. We’re increasing the number of health visitors by 4,200, and re-orientating them from an exclusive maternal-child focus to one where they support the whole family – including fathers. We’re investing in relationship support to help prevent family breakdown; and when it is inevitable, to make sure that it is well-handled. And yes, I want us to recognise marriage in the tax system so as a country we show we value commitment.
At the same time, I also think we need to make Britain a genuinely hostile place for fathers who go AWOL. It’s high time runaway dads were stigmatised, and the full force of shame was heaped upon them. They should be looked at like drink drivers, people who are beyond the pale. They need the message rammed home to them, from every part of our culture, that what they’re doing is wrong – that leaving single mothers, who do a heroic job against all odds, to fend for themselves simply isn’t acceptable.
All this will help make a difference. But in the end, it will be the daily habits and decisions of Britain’s fathers that will determine if we succeed. On their decision to financially and emotionally support their child even if they’ve split up from their mother; to spend time with their kids at weekends, taking them to the football or the playground; to go to the nativity play and take an interest in their child’s education.
I say this knowing how difficult being a parent is. As the American writer Kent Nerburn brilliantly put it: “It is much easier to become a father than to be one.” And I don’t for one minute claim to be a perfect father to my kids. Just ask Sam. But this is too important an issue to remain silent on. This is about our children’s futures, and with that, our country’s future too. We owe it to them to be there for them, however hard we may find it.
So on this Father’s Day, let’s embrace and celebrate the responsibilities we have.
Source http://www.telegraph.co.uk/
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