Don’t be down about the future: take steps to plan for life after your children leave home and help make good things happen.
More than 400,000 teenagers will soon be packing up their kettles, cushions and posters ready to leave home, leaving their parents to feel the pangs of empty-nest syndrome.
This condition is well-recognised by psychiatrists, but research shows that many couples have the time of their life after their children leave home.
Midwife Catherine Roberts, 47, from Merseyside, who lives with her husband and two children, aged 12 and 15, is not convinced yet.
She says: “While I find myself increasingly looking to retirement, mostly I think about what life will be like when my children leave home. That’s the next stage, when they move out and it’s just my husband and me again. How will we fill that gap? Life seems to be going so fast. I think the future takes us all by surprise but I don’t want it to.”
It is good that Catherine is looking ahead, says life coach Pete Cohen, but she mustn’t worry. “These years are so intense they seem to fly by and, if you don’t make plans, you can end up feeling flat when children move on. You need to recognise that life will change – perhaps dramatically – and to avoid feeling a sense of loss, you need to decide what it is you want next.”
Your worries are not something to share with your children, warns Pete, however close you are. “Be strong and stay positive rather than saying: ‘What am I going to do without you?’ This is their greatest challenge, their moment; don’t hold them back with your fears about yourself.”
Catherine will still be working when her children leave school and admits, in professional terms, little will change. “I expect life will be much the same, with me trying to pay off debts and hopefully being able to afford to go on holiday once a year. A decade from now I hope to be close to retirement – or possibly to have taken early retirement.
“By then, I will ideally have paid off the bulk of my debts and be under less financial pressure. I hope my life will be easier all round. Within 20 years my mortgage definitely should be paid off and I will have retired. I would like to spend my time going from one holiday to the next and travelling to parts of the world I haven’t seen yet, like Australia and New Zealand.”
Catherine has taken steps to ensure that her retirement is comfortable: “I’m a qualified nurse as well as a midwife and a stage in my career where I can always find work. I recently went back to work full-time to bump up my pension.”
This is a great idea for empty-nesters, says Pete, particularly women who may have taken time out of work to raise their family. “Don’t assume you will work less when children leave home – use that time to squirrel away some retirement funds. It really isn’t too late to start saving or building a pension. You could try something new at work, too, or even look for a job in an industry that interests you.
"Catherine enjoys her nursing, but if she didn’t, I would suggest she looked hard at her skills to see how transferable they are. Lots of female entrepreneurs seem to emerge in their fifties. They take the skills and patience garnered in child-rearing and use them to start niche websites, or coaching and management businesses.”
The departure of children provides an opportunity to reassess practical needs, too. Says Catherine: “In 10 years or so, I will sell my large family home and downsize.” Another good idea, says Pete. “But don’t rush into it – many children yo-yo in and out of home for up to a decade after claiming they have left home behind.”
Losing the bills associated with a larger home releases income, too. “I expect the best off I will be is when I retire, but we’ll need an income of £40,000 between us to live how I would like to,” says Catherine. “The main thing I do for my long-term future is pay into my pension. But I don’t have any surplus cash to put anything away, other than that. If there’s anything I need to find extra cash for, like holidays or house repairs, I have to scrape the money together.”
Don’t stress about that, says Pete. “You’re doing OK day-to-day, and still paying into a pension? That is better than many people manage.” One tip he is keen to pass on to Catherine is about junior financial planning: “Make sure you teach your children the basics before they leave home — for example, help them to set up savings accounts and work out how to budget.
Knowing you have equipped your children with the financial tools they need to survive and thrive is a great comfort.
Your worries are not something to share with your children, warns Pete, however close you are. “Be strong and stay positive rather than saying: ‘What am I going to do without you?’ This is their greatest challenge, their moment; don’t hold them back with your fears about yourself.”
Catherine will still be working when her children leave school and admits, in professional terms, little will change. “I expect life will be much the same, with me trying to pay off debts and hopefully being able to afford to go on holiday once a year. A decade from now I hope to be close to retirement – or possibly to have taken early retirement.
“By then, I will ideally have paid off the bulk of my debts and be under less financial pressure. I hope my life will be easier all round. Within 20 years my mortgage definitely should be paid off and I will have retired. I would like to spend my time going from one holiday to the next and travelling to parts of the world I haven’t seen yet, like Australia and New Zealand.”
Catherine has taken steps to ensure that her retirement is comfortable: “I’m a qualified nurse as well as a midwife and a stage in my career where I can always find work. I recently went back to work full-time to bump up my pension.”
This is a great idea for empty-nesters, says Pete, particularly women who may have taken time out of work to raise their family. “Don’t assume you will work less when children leave home – use that time to squirrel away some retirement funds. It really isn’t too late to start saving or building a pension. You could try something new at work, too, or even look for a job in an industry that interests you.
"Catherine enjoys her nursing, but if she didn’t, I would suggest she looked hard at her skills to see how transferable they are. Lots of female entrepreneurs seem to emerge in their fifties. They take the skills and patience garnered in child-rearing and use them to start niche websites, or coaching and management businesses.”
The departure of children provides an opportunity to reassess practical needs, too. Says Catherine: “In 10 years or so, I will sell my large family home and downsize.” Another good idea, says Pete. “But don’t rush into it – many children yo-yo in and out of home for up to a decade after claiming they have left home behind.”
Losing the bills associated with a larger home releases income, too. “I expect the best off I will be is when I retire, but we’ll need an income of £40,000 between us to live how I would like to,” says Catherine. “The main thing I do for my long-term future is pay into my pension. But I don’t have any surplus cash to put anything away, other than that. If there’s anything I need to find extra cash for, like holidays or house repairs, I have to scrape the money together.”
Don’t stress about that, says Pete. “You’re doing OK day-to-day, and still paying into a pension? That is better than many people manage.” One tip he is keen to pass on to Catherine is about junior financial planning: “Make sure you teach your children the basics before they leave home — for example, help them to set up savings accounts and work out how to budget.
Knowing you have equipped your children with the financial tools they need to survive and thrive is a great comfort.
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