Choices: Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom?

n a reverse turn, a growing number of American families are choosing to make ends meet with only one income. In a poll by SurveyUSA, interviewing 501 U.S. women age 18 and older, 73 percent of moms surveyed said being a two-income family doesn’t allow enough time with the kids, and 87 percent said they would prefer to be home if money were not an issue.
Would more women stay home if money were not an issue? Joanne Watson, author of “Team Work: How to Help Your Husband Make More Money, So You Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom,” says, “The decision is up to you. The difference between looking back with regret and looking back with a sense of fulfillment starts with your decision.”
Colorado psychologist Lynne Kinghorn has published a list of questions that potential stay-at-home moms should answer before deciding which choice is best for them, called “11 No-Nonsense Questions You Must Answer Before Making The Choice.”
Kinghorn’s questions encourage moms to think through their motivation for wanting to stay at home, such as, “Is full-time parenting looking good simply because you’re bored or frustrated with your job? Or, because you’re tired of your demanding boss and cranky co-workers?”
Kinghorn recommends moms itemize exactly how much money they are taking from their outside job. “Most moms are pretty surprised how little is left,” says Kinghorn, “After taxes, childcare, commuting costs, work wardrobe, meals out (expensive convenience foods), help for chores you can’t get done when you’re gone from the house 40 or 50 hours a week,” there is not much left over.
Another key question to discuss with the significant other is how he will feel about your staying at home full-time. The drop in your income presents budgeting challenges, and is one of the biggest hurdles a couple has to address. A working spouse carries a degree of prestige. Although your partner may offer to take sack lunches to work daily, if he has been accustomed to eating out regularly with co-workers, he could eventually find the change a harder sacrifice than he expected. He may also have to work longer hours which will give him less time at home with the kids. You must come to terms with how you will feel about being left alone for longer periods of time.
Your partner may also begin to feel the additional responsibility is a heavy burden. In today’s world of downsizing and mergers, jobs that once seemed secure sometimes disappear overnight. It’s natural for your husband to feel anxious about his job security, and that of his entire family.
The secret, according to Watson, is helping your husband earn more money by working as a team. “Team Work is about taking responsibility for your relationship, working together – yet in different ways,” said Watson, “each part contributing to the whole and using a loving and supportive approach to building the life you want.”
To help your husband, Watson suggests finding your husband’s best attributes so you can help to unlock the door to higher earnings. Work at building your husband’s confidence. Research salary surveys to see how you can help him negotiate a raise. Seek out networking groups and join with your husband.
“Sometimes it’s not what you know, but who the two of you know,” advises Watson.
Stay focused. Make sure your team’s objective will meet your stay-home parenting needs. Continually look for alternative income sources. You can make money while still having a life.
Jaine Carter, Ph.D., is the author of the book “He Works She Works” and wrote a national weekly column for the Scripps Howard News Service. Dr. Carter is a relationship coach working with people to help break down barriers and build bridges toward win/win solutions.
Source http://www.naplesnews.com/