Spouses play tug-of-war over home decor

Negotiating your home decor with a spouse can be a nightmare. He wants a giant television. She wants a yellow kitchen. It’s a tug-of-war of negotiations and compromises. Unless one partner is suddenly given free reign over the shared space.
And that’s the twist for the new U.S.-based design and relationship series Spouse vs. House, Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on TLC, where couples are given $25,000 for a DIY home makeover.
“It’s a mix of psychology and relationship therapy combined with design,” says design expert Ryan Brown.
“You get design advice, you get home renovation advice, and I think it can cause people to look at their relationships.”
Couples go into the series, which premiered May 4, believing they’re going to be working together to make over three rooms in their house. But they soon learn that the wife will be moving out for three weeks while her husband tackles the entire project – from the demolition and renovation work to the shopping and design.
“You get this money to redo your house and you’re not part of it,” says Brown. “They’re shocked.”
In perhaps a major understatement, the wife in the pilot, Erin, says she’s “kind of bummed” not to be participating in the decisions.
As Brown explains, some women see it as a test of how much their husbands have been paying attention. “One wife said, ‘I really hope all those times I dragged him from store to store . . . I really hope he was listening.’ It actually turns out he was.”
Husbands really are flying blind, as they aren’t offered professional help either, though they can enlist friends to lend a hand.
While the husband works on remodelling the house, his wife is presented with an all-white replica of one of their rooms, dubbed the “doll’s house.”
In this space, aided by Brown, she gets to create her fantasy room — and viewers get a peek at the true contrast between the couple’s ideal designs.
“The majority of the husbands did keep their wives in mind,” says Brown, explaining the process can cause people to question their own relationship and the way they collaborate.
With 48 hours left in the makeover, the husband gets a peek at his wife’s dream space — and then is presented with the opportunity to borrow elements of his spouse’s dream.
“Some of them work with it, some don’t try. Some pick and choose” when faced with their wives’ fantasies, notes Brown. Often it’s “Oh, this is what she wants, I didn’t realize.”
There’s also the challenge of the physical separation. The couples have no contact for those three weeks. For the couple in the pilot, the filming marked the longest they’d been apart in the 10 years they’d been together.
But, says Brown, it’s a good relationship challenge, with some couples noting “they became stronger individuals as a result.”
Finally comes the reveal, and viewers find out whether the wives love the makeover — or hate it.
When it comes to designing your own space, Brown doesn’t think a spouse needs to move out to make it work.
“Like any other major decision in your relationship, often it comes down to compromise,” says Brown. “If you’re redoing your place, you need to have that dialogue.”
And while spouses may have clashing styles, Brown says it is important to focus on how things make each of you feel rather than how it looks. “Home should be a sanctuary. You walk in and immediately relax. It’s a place for rejuvenation.”
So, focus on whether your spouse simply dislikes a hue or if they find it makes them feel anxious. You can compromise on dislikes, but shared comfort should be a priority.
“Approach it more from what is going to jointly make us feel really good together,” he suggests.
Source http://www.yourhome.ca/homes/